There is also a special place in my mind for them. A place that allows a different type of connection- a connection that is only reserved for those who operate from a place of self-reflection and insight. People who take responsibility for their actions- like truly do- not in that “I wish I wouldn’t have gotten caught doing (or saying) that” or “I wish this wasn’t a big deal” way but in a way that indicates that they are aware. People who value connection operate from a place of choice- they recognize the choice they have in their thoughts, they know where they stand and they make decisions that indicate this.
I am one of those people who is hyper-relational. Not in the “I have so many friends” way or “I go to a lot of social events” way. In the “I cherish deep connection with people” way. I’m (mostly) introverted and I love to be at home with my husband and children. When I do have an opportunity to spend time with a friend I go back and forth between whether I’ll go or not right up until the minute I leave my house. When I do go and I am able to (mentally/emotionally) connect I feel satisfied. When I go and I do not connect I feel disappointed…that I left my house. It really is a struggle but deep meaningful connection is so incredible. It’s something that unfortunately most people have not been privileged enough to enjoy.
Why haven’t they been privileged? Why aren’t more people searching for deep, meaningful connection? Probably because they either don’t want it (weird) or don’t know that’s what they want OR they don’t know how to get/give it. Also, some of most of those people aren’t able to obtain a deep meaningful connection. They just do not operate from a place of emotional intelligence. Or as my therapist tells me “they aren’t on the same frequency as you are”.
So, how do you develop emotional intelligence and how do you obtain a meaningful connection with other people. First you have to decide if that is something you want. Are you hyper-relational or socially- relational? If that makes sense to you ask yourself- who are the people in my life that operate from a frequency that is different than my own- you know those people that you think just know stuff- not like fact stuff but people stuff? Think about people who make statements that are insightful, that recognize the value of individual thought over collective thought and that truly have something to offer you that if you accepted you could be a changed person. Those people are likely operating on a high frequency and are emotionally intelligent. Make time for those people and decide that you are willing to be vulnerable, to share your thoughts, ideas, questions, longings and so on.
Spend time with this person and choose to recognize the inner-growth that develops from this relationship. Choose to recognize your ability for growth and the need for you to value relationships as something that can truly be fulfilling. You are meant to make a difference in this world and in order to do that you have to be able to develop connections- deep and meaningful. And who knows what else will come from that, what opportunity will develop and what power will be released in your ability to be together with another person not just in being but in thought and emotion- in true connection.
MONDAY MANTRA: self-growth is desirable
COMMITMENT: I WILL SEEK OUT VALUABLE RELATIONSHIPS AND I WILL MAINTAIN THEM.
*close your eyes, breathe in your nose (to the count of four) and then out your mouth (to the count of four) and say to yourself: Even though I am struggling I completely and totally accept myself. Repeat this three times.