My mood fluctuates. Sometimes I have an easy time redirecting my mood to either where I want to be or where I need to be for the given situation. Sometimes or lately what I’ve been working on is allowing my mood(s) to remain as is and to then process through what is contributing to my mood.
I have decided that I am entitled to my thoughts and emotions as they are and that my thoughts and emotions do not need to be rooted in positivity at all times. Does this mean that I am permitting myself to be upset or grumpy or mean? Not at all. What this means is that I work on detaching just slightly from my environment and acknowledging (internally) that my thoughts and or emotions are…whatever they are in that moment.
By doing this I have moved away from statements like “Im in a bad mood but I am not sure why”. I would like to stop identifying my thoughts and or emotions as “bad” really. I would like to instead work towards having the courage to validate and support myself so that I actually and truly know myself!
I am able to know my thoughts and emotions on an intimate level and not just a surface level. A surface level focuses only on blocking or changing or redirecting thoughts and emotions that are confusing or require active attention. An intimate level focuses on being present and leaning in to whatever is there and then exploring and going to a place of validation and intentional healing.
So by doing this what I have also found is that I am more aware of what I am holding on to internally. I am more aware of what doesn’t feel good and or what hasn’t felt good for a while. I notice what I have been trying to move passed or maybe just trying “get over”. Acknowledging that ignoring and going around instead of through has not seemed to serve me well.
We should be more careful of what we “get over”. We should reserve getting over for things like…being out of snacks or chocolate or not being first in line. We should strive to intentionally work through things that are a matter of the mind and of the heart.
When I am aware of what I have been and am holding on to internally I then have a few options, none of which are exclusive of the others:
Process individually and work on offering forgiveness to myself for what I have allowed to remain within me for so long.
Process individually and work on offering forgiveness to others for what I have allowed to remain within me for so long. – this can be done actively (informing the person) or passively (concluding on your own and not needing to inform the person) but should always be done with intention.
Process directly with the person regarding the relationship(s) that still holds hurt. – the catch here is that not all people or relationships hold the capacity for growth and that has to be ok. It has to be ok to recognize the hurt and pain and to move through it without the contribution from another person. Learning to then use boundaries and realistic expectations within that relationship so that you are able to offer yourself the safety that you need to continue within the relationship. If you are not able to do that then you may need to consider the purpose of maintaining the relationship at all and to then give yourself permission to let go of what does not serve you well.
You do not need to endure pain and sorrow to satisfy the expectations of others.
You need to learn how to meet your own expectations and to engage in thoughts, emotions and behaviors that serve you well and to do this with intention!