I’m Judging you. No really, I am.

This is not a judgment free zone. And by “this” I mean life. I know that there is this big kick right now about “good vibes only” and mass acceptance of all thing all the time. You can’t go in to any store without seeing some product promoting which sort of vibes you should have or whether you should think anything about any other person ever. You can find these messages on anything from a t-shirt to a popcorn bag. We are no longer supposed to think about anything that anyone else is doing. I take that back we aren’t supposed to think about what other people are doing and we aren’t supposed to question ourselves- we are to live in the moment! YOLO, right? Cause thats what “living our best life” looks like.

This, lets call it a “movement”, has me circling over and over the idea that rational thought is healthy. We should have brains that function at such a level that includes the critiquing, assessing, evaluating and yes, the judging of society at large as well as the actions of ourselves. Higher thinking involves the ability to recognize an event or a “doing” and do evaluate it as desirable or not. We can not be all accepting of all things all the time. I mean for heavens sake…are we getting rid of all moral reasoning as well? How do we expect to be able to instill expectations and boundaries if all things all the time are acceptable, and we should always feel good about those things because “good vibes only” and YOLO apparently rules all now?

Don’t even get me started on the “mom movement” that’s been happening that goes something like “it doesn’t matter what you do as long as it works for you”. Ok so what is “it” and is it working?? Can we talk about “it”? Is that allowed or is that too judgy? Its too judgy. It is! I knew it! OK so if there is no longer a standard for what parents do with infants then how do these same parents move in to raising adolescents with confidences and direction? If there is no standard and if the boundaries are so lost that anything goes then how the hell does anyone know where to go?

Some things do matter and what matters the most is you deciding what those things are. Good vibes only doesn’t even make any frickin sense. I know for myself that I have all kinds of vibes and some aren’t that happy. I’m ok with that though because- surprise! I’m human and I am meant to have an array of feelings. Judgment free- ok sure if you’d prefer to live in a free for all society where there are no standards of which we live by. I know I don’t want to live there but you can go for it! YOLO- ok that one has got to go! Yes, you only live once, duh, but “your best life” is a life that consists of standards, expectations, boundaries, moral reasoning and the assessment of all things all the time so that you can utilize the abilities of your high functioning brain!

The word judgment gets a bad rep! Insecurity tells people that they are being judged when in fact most often they are being thought about or considered. Judgment is something that happens, by other people, less often than you think if you’d let go of this idea that people are just sitting around talking about you with all that free time that’s been going around. I mean you got the memo, right?! (memo: more free time for all!). What happens most often is that someone says something about you and you internalize and personalize what they said. You……judge yourself! And that is what turns in to insecurity. Then you allow the insecurity to remain. You look at yourself and you choose to maintain the label that you placed on yourself.

What we need is t-shirts and popcorn bags that spread realistic messages about self-esteem! Good vibes only doesn’t do that. Judgement free zone doesn’t do that. YOLO doesn’t do that- what does that mean anyway right?! Living your best life involves recognition, intention and decisions that include assessing your life and those who impact your life.

Ok so maybe that’s part of it too- learning to truly recognize who and what impacts your life. Reserve the judgments for that which matters and let go of that which does not! How do you do that?! Stop thinking that everything everywhere is about you, recognize what vibes you’re feeling and work through them, increase your ability to engage in higher thinking- learn communication and conflict resolution skills and stop living your best life through the lens of this yolo bs!  

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