What does that even really look like?

Someone once told me that if I would just lower my expectations then I wouldn’t be so disappointed-so often. That’s a real struggle for me. Why is knowing what I want in relationships seen as needy? There was a time in my life when I applied that advise and man was it devastating.

I come off as complicated.

I don’t go with the flow.

I question people’s intention.

Is that a fault?

I think that I am introverted but I also wonder if its more that I just don’t care enough what people think to over exert myself. Introverted-extroverted…what does that even really look like?

What does confidence look like and does it only look like that? When I speak up I ask the sort of questions and make the sort of statements that can sometimes leave people confused. I don’t pretend to know it all. I suck at pretending and I’m so far from being competitive that I cannot even bother acting like I do. I used to speak up a lot, I mean a real lot but what I learned is that most people only want to hear you if they agree with you and if you don’t question them.

Why are we all so concerned with being seen as confident that we only recognize it when its something that we envy in someone else?

It feels like it has become impossible to be more than one thing or one type of person without coming off as insecure. Insecure, what does that look like and does it only look like that?

^^^see I ask questions that can be confusing but its got you thinking, doesn’t it?^^^^^

I do well in a small group, as in me and one other person. As a young adult I could step it up in any setting. I don’t do that anymore. I think that has something to do with not liking the person who I used to be and still struggling with knowing how to be the person who I want to be, consistently.

BUT that’s ok. Its ok to struggle and its ok to not have it all figured out. Its ok not know what to say or what to do. We are all flawed. What makes us good is the desire to be not just who we really are but who we truly want to be.

I heard a quote once that went something like this “people fear each other because they don’t understand each other and they don’t understand each other because they have not properly communicated”. I wish everyone the strength they need to communicate effectively without the desire to conform and with the confidence they need to be true to themselves. Oh and also with the kahunas to be genuine, to speak with a clear mind and to stay the course.

MONDAY MANTRA: I do a damn good job at anything I put my mind to.

COMMITMENT: I recognize my full potential and I strive to meet it.

*close your eyes, breathe in your nose (to the count of four) and then out your mouth (to the count of four) and say to yourself: Even though I am struggling I completely and totally accept myself. Repeat this three times.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *