There have been multiple challenging periods of time in my life over the last decade or so. There have been less periods of time that have included the support and validation that I could have used. I have struggled for many many years to be ok with that and honestly I continue to struggle even today. It’s really the primary struggle in my life- accepting people for who they are, as they are and for what they have to offer. I know I’m not supposed to do that or maybe its that I’m not supposed to admit that I do that but I do and I have- I’m working on it- I think.
As I am presently in a challenging period of my life I have been drawn to thoughts that are causing me to stretch and grow. While I ask myself “what do I need and how do I get what I need” both from myself and others I am learning to sit in the discomfort and to silence my irritations and thoughts so that I can lean in a little bit further and a little bit closer to who I need to be- the person who can grow and adapt and evolve.
Sometimes we enter challenging periods of time in our lives and we get stuck. We become distracted by what we think should have been or could have been. When we do that we don’t grow. We stunt growth.
Unfortunately- if there’s a down side to growth- when we evolve we can actually grow further away from the people who are incapable of providing us with what we need. I have a tendency- ok I always think this- to think that we are in each others lives so that we can give to one another and that part of being in relationship requires us to be willing to be inconvenienced for the sake of that relationship. When we are in relationship with those who are unable or unwilling to grow, to stretch, to evolve or even just to give, we then end up growing away from them.
The question here is- is that growing (away) ok? Is it ok to have relationships that are a constant in our lives that we do not experience growth within but actually separation or maybe the word is stagnancy (thats a word right)? Is that healthy or helpful for who who you’re wanting to be. Can we be ok with an ever evolving life that includes people who are incapable of evolving with us?
I read a quote once that went something like “don’t be mad at those who are incapable of change” meaning- don’t expect someone to do something that they don’t know how to do. Because of who I am (my beliefs and views and opinions really) I then think- oh I’ll just help them/teach them/tell them what to do. That doesn’t always work. Actually it rarely works. A person who is going to grow, to stretch, to evolve- has the desire to do so within them already- I don’t need to bring them to that realization. Growers know that they want and can grow. They already want it and they are capable of it. Non-growers don’t know what theyre capable of and they dont seek to understand themselves or others- truly.
Are you are grower and are you in relationship with growers?